Every day, embrace.

If I were to talk about breastfeeding three months ago, I’d be emotional. Since I’m writing this in retrospect, I don’t sound as passionate. My biggest mistake was believing that breastfeeding will be easy and natural. I should have prepared myself for the worst so I wouldn't be too disappointed. I did lack preparation, was even too confident. So clearly I had some personal issues with breastfeeding, and I’m not talking about real problems that most mothers encounter like low milk supply, etc. These might seem petty, but I got to a point where I just hated breastfeeding.


The pressure to breastfeed. Sure, no one’s forcing me to breastfeed. If I can’t do it, there’s always the bottle. So why did I feel so guilty whenever my baby was given formula? Everywhere, you’re being told that your baby has to be breast fed. There’s so much comparison between breast milk and formula that you begin to feel as though formula is poison. Certainly no one has ever said that it is, but with all the info touting breastfeeding, you just feel like a terrible mother if you’re giving the baby milk other than yours. Although I somewhat understand people’s zeal for breastfeeding. My mother said that in her province many years ago, some women chose formula over breast milk because formula was thought to be better, and it also became some sort of status symbol. But that was a very long time ago. I have yet to hear about anyone who gives her child formula out of sheer preference. So relax already. And I haven’t really seen an advertisement by a formula manufacturer that seems to thwart the efforts of breastfeeding advocates. There’s no denying that breast milk is far superior to anything and the benefits are invaluable, but the way some people push it seem to say that breast- or formula-feeding our children can seal their fate. I wonder, in a group of adults, can anyone really separate those that were breastfed from those that were not?

The pain. Breastfeeding is painful. Most moms I talked to experienced pain that lasted no more than three weeks. Mine lingered on until after a month and I kept asking whether it was normal or I was doing something wrong. Not only are the breasts sore, but my back, neck and butt suffered too from staying in one position for a long time. In my case, the slightest shift can upset the baby’s latch causing sharp shooting pain. Then images of breastfeeding mothers in a tender and joyful moment flash before my eyes and I think, ‘really??’

Only I can breastfeed my baby. That means it’s pointless when someone volunteers to be on baby duty.

It’s such a fuss feeding a baby when you’re out. Too many stuff to deal with.

The barrage of advice coming from all places. Good intentions abound but it can all be overwhelming.

No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't be the happy blooming nursing mom in the photo. Breastfeeding wasn't pleasurable at all. To me it felt more like a task that had to be done. And even THAT made me feel guilty.

My daughter is four months as I’m writing this and her last intake of formula was two months ago. I can definitely say that breastfeeding does get easier.  Her feedings are less frequent and the pain is almost gone. As you go along, you learn things. Am I totally loving it? No. Some days are better than the others and there are still situations when I want to use the bottle.